If that was your dad, he is hot
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
