dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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