wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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