This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
