So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
