You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
