$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
