At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
