Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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