Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
