I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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