My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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