dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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