O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
