Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
