I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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