she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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