Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
