I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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