This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
