i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
