i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
