I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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