Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
