You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Drake has all the answers
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
