The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
