I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
