I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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