Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
