Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
