part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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