Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
