he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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