Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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