Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize