there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
