Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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