I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
