I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
