The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
