I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
