He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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