when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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