trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
