apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
