Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
