Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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