It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
