3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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