Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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