Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
