I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
