Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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