I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
