im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
