I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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