yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
