So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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