***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
