In the future we'll all be gay
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
