her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
