I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
