They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
