If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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