Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
