I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
