Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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