Having a random hookup so left but love u
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
