Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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