He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
