We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
