I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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