First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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