kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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