"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
